This year for #BackToSchool we’re keeping it simple and focusing on just one concept: “Unconditional Positive Regard.”
It might sound like something you have to learn in Psych 101, but unconditional positive regard is as simple as expressing empathy, support, and acceptance to someone, regardless of what they say or do. Though it started as a technique for therapists to use with their clients, it’s helpful to use with anyone you love and care about (including yourself).
It’s important to hear the message that “you are enough.” So we’re here to say it — you are enough.
Let’s be honest: school can feel like one big competition.
There’s always something telling you you’re doing “good” or you’re doing “bad,” whether that’s a test score or a grade on an assignment or your GPA (or the timed flexed arm hang in gym class 🤮). Students are under a ton of pressure to “achieve” and to “meet expectations.”
Most of us have been taught from an early age that our value depends on our performance, but we’ve ALL been held to some sort of standard and not met it. We’ve all been compared to others and fallen short. Truthfully, it can feel like we’re constantly being told we’re not good enough and that who we are doesn’t really matter.
It’s not true.
Who you are DOES matter. And nothing you do or don’t do will change that. No grade, no award, no success or failure makes you more or less worthy of love and respect. You are amazing just the way you are. You ARE good enough.
And guess what? You deserve to feel good about yourself, too, so here are some important things to remember as you work on loving and accepting yourself just the way you are:
Don’t compare yourself. It’s a toxic habit. You’re unique and valuable, no matter your grades or accomplishments.
Focus on what matters. Find your passions, express yourself, and discover your purpose.
Do stuff you love. It’ll boost your confidence and make you feel good.
Be yourself. Authenticity is key to happiness and self-worth.
Competition and comparison? Unfortunately they don’t end at graduation. If you’ve ever felt like you failed because you weren’t “productive” enough that day or you’ve ever had to go through the stress of an annual review… you’re still going through it, too. The truth is we could all use someone in our lives who would just say “you’re doing the best you can with what you have and that’s enough.”
That’s absolutely true and we want to remind you that you don’t have to be productive to have value. You ARE valuable. No ifs, ands, or buts. Now, your kid probably isn’t going to be the person to give you that kind of validation and affirmation, but if you need to hear it, THEY DO, TOO.
No, they don’t have a performance review every year, but they’re getting a performance review with every grade and every assessment, every test and every assignment. To build healthy self-esteem, they need to know that they are good enough no matter how good or bad they do.
In psychology this is known as “unconditional positive regard” and there are concrete ways to practice this. Here are some tips on where to start:
Affirm effort, not just outcome.
Suspend judgment and be curious about the “why.”
Trust your teen is doing their best.
Maintain unconditional positive regard, even when they misbehave.
Allow autonomy and learning from mistakes.
Acknowledge the existence of all feelings.
Practice self-compassion and learn from your own mistakes.
We Can RELATE
It’s tough to open up when you’re feeling down. You might worry that no one will understand or that they’ll judge you. But remember… it’s okay to not be okay and you’re not alone.
Reaching out can be scary, but it’s WORTH IT.
Talking to someone who truly gets it can make a huge difference. Our RELATE line volunteers have been there too, so they know exactly what you’re going through. They’re here to listen without judgment, offer support, and remind you that you’re “enough” just the way you are.
💬 RELATE is an online chat for young people, ages 13–25 💬 Chats are answered by young adult volunteers 💬 Provides confidential peer-to-peer support and encouragement
Studies show that half of all mental health disorders begin by the age of 14 and data indicates that mental health struggles have vastly increased over the last decade for young people. Taking a mental health screening is one of the quickest and easiest ways to determine whether you are experiencing symptoms of a mental health condition.
It’s time to start THINKING DIFFERENTLY about how we take care of mental health and that starts with a focus on wellness as well as illness. An exercise regimen helps keep your body healthy, but what do you do to keep up your mental health?
One way is to make a Wellness Plan. A Mental Health Wellness Plan helps you think through what creates stress for you, how to shift your focus, cope with difficult situations, and take care of your mental health overall.
To remind yourself that you are awesome every day we’ve created a phone wallpaper just for you! To download just open the following file and save to your device.
